not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
