When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
