I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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