The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
