i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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