is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
