So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
