Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
