Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
