are you so shy because you have an std?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
