Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
