woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
did you just send me my own nude
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
