i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
