i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
