We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
