using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
