i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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