Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
