is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
