So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
