i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
