please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
