nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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