I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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