I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
