Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
