Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
