I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
