shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
