Is it because I queefed?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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