Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
