You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
