He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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