Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well I just put wine in my tea
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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