my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm passing your future prison.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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