The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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