Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
