apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
