honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
