some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
