I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't turn off my feet"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize