i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
