I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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