meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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