Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
