Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
