Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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