When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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