he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
