I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
it hurts more in the daytime
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
