oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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