At least make sure they are 18
Why
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm really busy with my period
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