Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
