5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
