I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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