I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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