i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
