And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
