i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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