ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
