I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
