u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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