I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
