Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
