I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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