U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
