Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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