I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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