I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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