There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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