they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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