Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
